Indecisive Peach

I have not fallen into a margarita stupor. I’ve been off doing adult things – jobs applications, resume tweaking, mindless worrying about the future. 

I realized something important while brushing my teeth and talking to myself about a week ago. I’m not sure how I got on this topic of conversation with myself. It’s quite like how I end up on weird tangents with external sources – sometimes, but not always, with humans. Nevertheless, somehow I hit an epiphany while water dripped off my elbow and onto my foot.

I was debating whether or not a job offer I have would be a good choice for me (more information at a later date) and if it would be something I would want as a career. I’m hedging a bit because I’ve finally realized that what I do irritates me so much because it doesn’t truly seem to have an impact on any sort of forward movement. Untangling that line, what I do doesn’t really deal with the future. Day in and out, I dredge up the past. I am, writing this with a flair of dramatic, responsible for the portions of a person’s soul left behind in written material.

*cough* Less dramatically put – I’m currently an archivist in training.

It wasn’t so much my flirting with morbidity which was the epiphany, but I realized that, hey, I have concrete wants and desires when looking at what I would like to do in fifteen years (…if I actually mobilized my butt for action). I no longer just have “I don’t want this” or “I would go crazy if faced with that”, but actual, honest-to-goodness attributes to look for in a job.

Hallelujah. (‘Tis the season after all.)

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Tomorrow – new blogging. Today – more drinking.

I’m not sure why, but I always seem to give myself a sturdy two days to accomplish writing a paper. Or multiple papers.

I get to write create meaningless sentences like, “They reconstitute thoughts, invoke political activism, express social theories, and change ideologies” or talk about blogging in the sense that it is a “democratizing aspect” and how it can clash with and/or “change value systems to which bloggers ascribe, emulate, or reside.”

Right. RIIIGHT.

So until Thursday at noon, when I swagger back to my blog with a margarita in one hand, it’s going to be a bit dry around here.

Unless I need to do some procrastination blogging. Outlook – good.

I’ve decided that I’ve lost a lot of ability to have fun recently. Now some of my life’s circumstances make that relatively understandable, but looking deeper at the reoccurring wellspring of my dour nature, which I would say has been trespassing over here at IP, I’m wonder when exactly I’ve lost “it.”

I say it and I mean fun. I’m back to listening to my podcasts at work and Escape Pod‘s Stephen Eley had a comment on the nature of having fun and what that means in the science fiction society. He spoke to the passion that sci-fi enthusiasts in general tend to have and how they find a way of having fun without giving a damn to the consequential negativity that may arise from society due to their nonconformity. I thought, ‘When was the last time I said: I don’t give a damn, I’m going to do this anyway because it’s fun for me?’

Should just blame grad school like I usually do?

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