An Argument for An Only

When speaking of having children, I like to tell people that I cannot wait to have at least two kids. “Man,” I’ll start lightheartedly, “It’ll be something awesome to have them fight in the car seats behind me,” and my listener’s face inevitably drops, “I’d probably goad them on. Let the better one win.”

This makes people skeptical about my future parenting skills, but, as an only child, fights about who gets more room in the back seat, who gets to use the Walkman, who gets to have the snack, and who gets a hug first, are not problems I have ever seen manifested before – and, anthropologically speaking, are crazy fascinating. You see, the only person I ever had to fight against was myself and all that really mattered was how badly I wanted what was at the end of the race.

For example I could rationalize that getting a B was just fine. A B was rated as “above average”. I mean, sure, an A “excellent” but wasn’t being above average pretty excellent in itself?

[I have been dealing with semantics my entire life.]

That said, experiencing the crushing blow of a C for the very first time in third grade (which I immediately crumpled up and threw away), I knew that I was going to be my very harshest critic, and to this day, I still am. However, every time I’ve had to fight myself, ultimately, the better version of me won.

[Ed. This post was done in tandem with my other Onlies at Arms, The Rebuker and PhDeath.]

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4 Responses to An Argument for An Only

  1. The Amazing E says:

    “When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.” – Mitch Hedberg

  2. Me says:

    My sis and I fought all the time. It wasn’t until we (mom and I) moved to NM that she and I finally got along. Then when we moved to Germany, she and I got along even better!

  3. The Rebuker says:

    Oh, the shameful ‘C’. I got one in math the year my parents finally let me have a TV in my room. Needless to say, the TV didn’t stay long after report cards came home.

  4. Sarah says:

    One time my family went for a drive I was in the middle and my sisters on either side. About 20 minutes into the drive for some reason unkown to me my sister bit herself on the arm. “Mom, Beth bit me!” My mother turned around and slapped my leg. “don’t bite your sister!”
    “I did not!” I cried in protest as I rubbed my leg. Racious laughter from my olders sisters seat is heard.
    of course she gets scolded.
    About 5 minutes later a slap is heard from the same sisters seat. “Mom, Beth hit me!” Once again I get slapped and scolded.
    “I did not!” She got in a whole lot of trouble then and that was the end of that.

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